A BABE SOLD DR ZEN
by Theoretical
Summary: The title is an amagram of A Dozen Drabbles! Read and enjoy.
1. David and Goliath

Disclaimer: Don't own

David and Goliath

* * *

"Go away you strange and silly dog!" Ziva yelled out, breaking the silence.

"Pardon?" Tony asked looking up from his magazine. It was, after all not the first time he'd been called a dog. He found it depressing that he'd gotten used to the title…

"Not you, the sausage dog followed me into the building and now he won't leave!"

Tony glanced at her. "It's a wiener dog."

"I don't care." snarled Ziva, "He's annoying. Like you."

"Look at the tag. It'll have his address."

Bending down to the small dog Ziva glanced at his collar. "It says, Goliath…"

"Heh. David and Goliath." Tony chuckled.

* * *

The End 


	2. Name Game

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Name Game

* * *

"Okay," Tony sighed, "I understand why I'm going under cover as a drag queen - the perp likes them."

Gibbs gave him a stare, daring Tony to go further.

"But why on earth did you let Abby pick our names?" Tony asked with pleading eyes.

"The Caff-Pow machine was broken…" Gibbs shrugged.

"Why don't you care!" Tony half screamed.

"Mostly," Gibbs paused for dramatic effect, "because I'm not the one named Princess Candy Kiss-a-Lot."

"I'm suing you for emotional trauma." he stuck out an accusatory finger.

"You do that Miss Kiss-a-Lot."

"I will."

* * *

The End 


	3. Sexy Beast, He Is

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Sexy Beast, He Is

* * *

"I. Am. In. Love." Abby sighed.

"No, you aren't Abby. You. Are. Crazy." Tony did the crazy symbol, accidentally poking himself into the ear.

"Tony, admit it. We all know he's a sex god." Abby rolled her eyes.

"No!" He threw his hands to then down. He would have just thrown them down, but they hadn't been up.

"Yes he is. Why do you think he's always talking about the force?"

"Because he's a Jedi Master." Tony told thinking of McGee.

"Well, whatever. All I know is that: Sexy beast, he is."

"Well all I know is that I'm never seeing a movie with you again"

"I get that a lot."

* * *

The End 


	4. Live Long

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Live Long

* * *

"You have to McGee! What if you die tomorrow and never die it!" Abby waved her arms wildly. 

"I've had sex. I'm fine for the next life."

"But what of God is-"

"Abby, God isn't a-"

"Don't interrupt me Mc-"

"You interrupted me fi-"

"Do as I say not as I do."

"Fine."

"As much as you do not wish to admit it, there is a possibility that, maybe, possibly, God is a trekkie, so if you don't put on the ears and say it you might be headed straight for hell."

"Whether I said 'Live long and prosper' with Vulcan ears isn't going to effect my getting into heaven!"

"You sure?"

* * *

The End 


	5. Lights Out Part One

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Lights Out (part one)

* * *

"Ducky…" Abby walked into autopsy…

"Yes, my dear?" He asked putting down the scalpel he was holding before taking off his gloves and scrubs. Whenever Abby walked in like this it meant she had a question not pertaining to a case that would take a while to answer.

"You know how when you turn on the light switch, the switch stays up?" she asked leading up to her question.

"Mm-Hm." he nodded.

"While, why does the switch stay up?"

"Why! I don't know. I suppose it goes against the law of gravity? Doesn't it? We'll get to the bottom to this. Grab my screw driver, we're going to find a Light Switch!"

* * *

The End 


	6. Lights Out Part 2

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Lights Out (part two)

Sorry if this is wrong. I haven't studied Light Switch biology.

* * *

With a light switch on an autopsy table that'd been carefully removed from the wall of NCIS, after, of course, cutting the wires and leaving a small portion of the building without light, Ducky and Abby prepared for the dissection. 

The light switch and cover had been sterilized and soaked in formaldehyde for a bit while Abby and Ducky gathered the tools they would need: Gloves.

"Okay, then, prop it up, we'll see how it works." Ducky said, and Abby turned it into the regular light switch position.

"Now flip up the switch!" and Abby did as she was told, only to have to flop down.

"Well, darn, guess we did all this work for nothing." Abby sighed.

"Yes. Let's hide the evidence now, shall we?"

"That sounds fun."

* * *

The End 


	7. Out Of The Closet

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Out of the Closet

* * *

Hair ruffled and shirt, he assumed, oddly buttoned he emerged from the storage closet with the greatest care looking about to make sure no body was watching. She'd stayed behind to get dressed more carefully. 

No one was there so he snuck away from the closet, smiling broadly.

However, he'd been seen on security cameras.

"Ha!" gasped one of the guards who called the others over.

"He's wearing a woman's shirt!" Cried one.

"I never thought I'd see the day when he'd finally came out of the closet!"

"And he did so quite literally." Pitched in the original.

* * *

The End 


	8. Smelly

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Smelly

* * *

"Oof!" Jimmy grunted tripping over an object in the park where he took the occasional late night jog. Not to, you know lose weight, it was mostly to get away from his neighbors dog who when he smelt Jimmy after a long day of work, suddenly became the wild animals he'd been thousands of years ago. 

It was amazing how vicious Maltese could be.

He looked down at what he'd tripped over and rolled his eyes.

"Great, another dead thing. Now how am I supposed to get rid of the smell?" He put his hands on his hips, scolding the corpse not realizing only Ducky could pull of talking to dead things.

* * *

The End 


	9. Janet

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Janet (Note: Funnier if you've seen the RHPS.)

* * *

"Damn it, Janet!" Tony muttered under his breath. His blonde date had canceled on him for another.

"I love you…" sang Ducky.

"What?"

"Oh! Were we not going to sing?" Ducky asked, a bit disappointed.

"You know of the Rocky Horror Picture show?"

"Of course he does, silly. He's my Riff-Raff!" Abby smiled from behind Ducky. Tony wasn't sure where she'd come from, obviously it wasn't earth…

"But you play Columbia… and that means… EW! You have ELBOW SEX with DUCKY?"

"We're lovers." Abby smiled.

* * *

The End 


	10. The Mountain

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The Mountain

* * *

"Where's Ziva?" Barked Gibbs.

"She'll be coming 'round the mountain, when she comes! (Toot toot!)"

"What?"

"She'll be driving a white Toyota when she comes! (Toot toot!)"

"Why?"

"She'll be wearing red pajama's when she comes! (Toot toot!)"

"Tony, stop this nonsense right now. Give me short answers right now."

"Ziva coming down mountain. Drives Toyota. Will be wearing red pajamas because she doesn't have a skiing outfit, and has decided if she layers it'll be fine."

"You're turning into Ducky…"

"Thank you boss. He has a relatively full head of hair for his age. I look forward to such joys."

* * *

The End 


	11. Yo Mamma

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Yo Mamma

* * *

"Yo Mamma is so wrinkled I thought she was a prune!"

"Well she is 82..."

"Yo Mamma is on the see food diet. She sees food, she eats it."

"Does it matter? She's 82, it's not like she's got 50 ahead of her. Why shouldn't she live it up?"

"Yo Mamma is so stupid she thought pilates meant coffee and drugs!"

"Well, one does usually drink coffee afterwards, to wash down the Tylenol…"

"Yo Mamma is exactly like you."

"You die, Tony."

His plan to annoy Kate, he decided upon seeing the can of pencils heading towards him, may have worked, a little to well.

* * *

The End 


	12. Fault

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Fault

* * *

"You know, I thought you'd like to know that I'm as upset about this as you are." Fornell said in a calming matter that came very difficultly to him.

"No." Gibbs replied.

"Okay, maybe I'm a little madder because I have no cell phone reception in here, and my team probably has reported me missing by now. At least you're in the same building as you people."

"No."

"Is that all you can say?"

"No."

"Well say something else."

"It's your fault we're stuck."

"Well, yes, in retrospect I feel that maybe, the idea of grabbing the switch and swallowing it so you couldn't move the elevator until we were done maybe have been a bad idea…"

"Ya think?"

* * *

The End 


End file.
